Looks are Deceiving
by LlyranTirge
Summary: When artemis meets an American exchange student through a school partnership program, will the relationship spell romance, heartbreak, or hatred? NOT A MARY SUE! That's why it's called Looks are deceiving!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: originally, I had two ideas for stories, but then I got the bright idea to put them together. I could make the story stronger, faster, better than before... or however it goes. I know some of you will flame me for being a Mary-Sue pusher, but just wait, it's not what it seems. I'm not exactly sure where this fits in with the books; so just correct me if I'm wrong. Beware though, I only speak nOOb...

**Disclaimer: Do I look old? Do I look Irish? Do I look like my name is Eoin Colfer? For Pete's sake, DO I LOOK LIKE A GUY? Oh yeah... you can't see me... oh well, I don't own any of it but the plot, and that's someone else's story, so basically I have no imagination.**

_Looks Are Deceiving_

"Hello everyone," The headmistress of St. Brigit's paused and waited for everyone to finish their various greetings. From the center of the room came one sarcastic reply.

"Of course hell is low! Where else would it be?" there were a few strained chuckles, which were greeted with a withering glance from the headmistress, and quickly silenced before the headmistress continued.

"Welcome to our sixth annual combined St. Bartleby's-St. Brigit's Dinner Party and Ball. I am very pleased that all of our esteemed and honored guests could take the time from their busy schedules to join us for an evening of merry-making to celebrate the coming together of two such fine establishments as our two schools. Tonight we celebrate the strong bond of unity..." The headmistress continued her speech, reciting something which she thought was a truly inspired and eloquently put metaphor, which was really nothing but some badly written prose that compared school, unity politics, and yes, even romance, (something that the dear headmistress both lacked and desired in her life) to a seagull choking on a fish as it flew over the ebbing tides of a heavenly beach.

Many of the esteemed and honored guests present at the event, who were in all actuality the esteemed and honored parents of the teenage students at the two fine institutions who neither esteemed nor honored their parents, being teenagers, felt themselves drifting off to the warm realms of sleep as the headmistress of St. Brigit's gave her lengthy speech. Two guests, however, seated in the far rear corner of the room with their female escort and chaperone for the evening, (one's mother and the other's wife) were as far away from sleep as they possibly could be. They were equally as far away from sleep, in fact, as they were from both the speaker and the speech. They were so distant from all these things merely because they were quite ignoring the honored headmistress and her horrible prose, and occupying themselves instead with the much more enjoyable and interesting activity of conversing with one another, and also with the even more so enjoyable and interesting activity of avoiding the condescending glare of their female escort, henceforth known in this story as one Mrs. Angeline Fowl.

The two men escorted by Mrs. Fowl were, as previously stated, her husband, henceforth to be known in this story as one Mr. Artemis Fowl Sr., a former world business leader who had recently repented of his corporate crimes following a kidnapping and imprisonment in Russian Siberia, and her son, henceforth known as one Artemis Fowl, Jr., the most intelligent human being ever to walk the face of the earth, heir to the world's fourth largest fortune, momentarily unemployed criminal mastermind, the world's leading authority on all psychological and psychiatric matters, (writing under a pseudonym, of course) the only known human to have visited the fairy city of Haven, only known human to have successfully held a fairy for ransom, only known human (along with his mother, he bodyguard Juliet, and Juliet's brother, Artemis' bodyguard, butler) to have survived a fairy biobomb, single most knowledgeable human on fairy affairs, only known human (along with butler, who actually used Artemis' knowledge to bring his memory back before Artemis did) to have achieved total recall after a fairy mind wipe, single person to have outsmarted the entire fairy population on numerous occasions, and teenaged boy.

A/N: I still haven't gotten to the actual plot, this is just a semi-pilot, and it's modeled after Douglas Adams' writings (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) please read and review! I may change to an easier format if you guys don't like this one.


	2. shock and awe

A/N: as expected, I have had several people give reviews that were... Shall we say... a bit sarcastic? But it's all okay, because LOOKS ARE DECEIVING. Come ON people... you've got to admit that I wouldn't just name my story "looks are deceiving" because it sounded cool? Sigh you people have no faith in humanity, do you?

French Egg: The part where I prove she's not a Mary Sue is still coming... But trust me, she's not.

Bundles-'o-joy: It will be proven! She's not a Mary Sue!

**Disclaimer: I have no imagination. And no copyright. Therefore it's all still Eoin Colfer's. I only wish it were mine.**

Get Me Outta Here... (Please?)

Mr. Artemis Fowl Jr. sighed heavily at his own intense boredom and slowly turned to his father, the afore mentioned Mr. Artemis Fowl Sr. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, now would be a good time to go back and read the first chappie.) For our purposes and the convenience of the author of this story, they will henceforth be referred to as Artemis and Mr. Fowl, respectively.

"Father, must we stay and listen to this extremely DULL speech? Honestly, it's painful to hear her butcher the English language." Artemis looked at his father with one of those looks that you usually see out of five-year-old children that make your hearts melt and force you obey their every wish. Somehow it wasn't as effective when it was Artemis attempted it, and Mr. Fowl merely thought that Artemis had a bit of a stomachache.

"I'm sorry Arty, my boy, but we must keep up appearances. And besides," at this he shot a look at Mrs. Fowl to see if she was not looking at them, which she was, and continued at a whisper. "Your mother so likes these events, and she won't let us leave."

"But Father, I really don't believe that--" Artemis was cut off when his mother leaned over from her side of the table to talk to her rather immature family.

"We're staying. And that's final. If your stomach is hurting, then I'm sure you'll be fine sitting back here while your father and I dance. Now shush. Your headmaster is speaking next."

Artemis was not quite content to accept his fate of boredom, and grumbled miserably. "This is complete and total bull--"

"SHH!" Artemis's mother was through putting up with her gifted son's grumblings and glared openly at him before turning back to the stage, where the headmistress of St. Brigit's was finishing up her speech and handing over the microphone to the headmaster of St. Bartleby's.

"And so, I am pleased to announce that this year, we will be starting a school partnership program to introduce our students to each other. Mr. Headmaster, why don't you explain?" the headmistress turned and sat down in her chair, and the sudden lack of annoying speaking from the podium woke up most of the guests, who applauded, glad that they wouldn't be dozing off into their dirty plates again. The headmaster rose from his chair, straightened his tie and jacket, walked to the podium, coughed gently into his hand, and began his pre-prepared speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that all of the students at our two schools will be involved in our new school partnership program. We've never done anything like this before, and a great amount of planning and preparation has gone into this project, so I deeply hope that the students at both schools will benefit from it. For the next two months, students of St. Brigit's and St. Bartleby's will have free reign to go to the campuses of the other schools after classes are over and before curfew. Our campuses are directly next to each other, as you know, and so we have decided, in addition to allowing students onto the other campuses, we will integrate the courses so they are co-educational. With the exception of physical education, all of our classes will have both male and female students. In addition to these changes, we have also randomly paired all our students with a student of the opposite gender. These pairs will participate in activities and competitions. At the end of these competitions, we will tally all the scores, and elect one pair the champions of the program. We will conclude the program with a final dance, much like the ones at ordinary public schools. Through this program, we hope to achieve a greater sense of partnership between our schools, and also raise the level of knowledge students have of the affairs of the opposite gender. I greatly hope that you will all participate in this program, but if you choose not to, I only need a signed note from your parents telling me that they do not want you to participate. All of the students have already been paired, and this evening, you have the opportunity to meet your partner for the next two months. I sincerely wish you the best of luck with your competitions students, and have some fun while you're at it. I will leave you to find your partners names from the lists posted in the ballroom, where we shall go now that this meeting has adjourned." the headmaster stepped down from the podium, and walked toward the doors to the ballroom, a huge smile on his face, as well as on the faces of the teachers, the headmistress, and nearly everyone in the audience as they shuffled out to the ballroom. I only say nearly everyone was smiling because there was one exception to this statement. Sitting in the back corner of the room, abandoned by his parents, who had gone to socialize, was Artemis, sitting with his mouth slightly open. He shook his head, stood up, and followed the rest of the crowd into the ballroom.


End file.
